Be clear and ask for clarity! … about yourself, about others, about what you want, about what you do, about what can you deliver…
-I think you understood what I mean!?!
-Actually, no! I want you to be more specific!
-Well, you will figure it out one day…
-No, I will not figure it out and I will not wait! I want you to be clear now about this and don’t make me lose more time. (Kindly way).
Some people think that are clear being confused and having some expectations.
We love to create stories about how people will react, what they will do, how situation will change if … only if … and then nothing appears if we are not clear.
Getting clear will make us less confused. We all have our beliefs and we cannot rely on others. We keep our mind confused when we don’t talk about our beliefs and we think too much about what other’s opinions.
Question (and take time): What have in common the situations where you decide to stay confused and not to be clear?
Right now I am thinking about a love story, when a man and a woman don’t talk about their feelings.
”One of them is afraid to ask something that involves a commitment, in the same time having expectations that the partner will know those wishes. The other one is not clear about the relationship either, about the desire of getting involved: -My partner understood that I don’t want something serious, should I talk about this? No, I will not, I am not feeling comfortable thinking about this, if my partner has others expectations I will not be able to say what I think, actually!”
Sometimes you just don’t know where to start because you are confused!
Question: Do you find yourself in the situation where you find it more difficult to talk about your feelings and you choose the easy way, to talk about the things that are less interesting for you?
Of course, we are all doing that at a moment in our life! Being clear involves emotions, being emotional literate makes you more powerful.
Question: What do you expect to get when you don’t make yourself clear about what you want? There are some benefits you took from this…
For example, an employee is not clear about his wishes regarding job responsibilities and his competencies, he wants to be more recognized and paid. He will not ask what he wants; right away he reconsider his demands thinking that asking he could go out from the comfort zone that this job offers and what others will think about this? Maybe soon, this good employee will not complete the tasks very well, as he did before, also frustrations arrives and in time he can become more difficult at work (because he may think is misunderstood by colleagues and boss or other reasons).
Sooner you take the decision to be clear, sooner you will earn more time to enjoy the things that you asked for, you’ll enjoy the situation as you want. Here I am referring to receive permission and approve.
On the other hand, when someone gets the ’’No’’, it should be glad because that person will have the opportunity to direct one’s energies through something that will worth.
The ’’No’’ is what keeps people afraid about making things clear. This is one of the reasons for which we remain unclear in relationships, at work, at home, in relation with our life partner, friends, family and in some situations.
Life did not prepare much people who can accept ’’No’’, and when the ’’No’’ arrives some people may feel betrayed. On the other hand, some people cannot refuse something they are asked to do, even if it’s not a pleasure – But, you see I have to do this because I cannot say no!
If we refuse people in a nice and natural way, no one is offended. We can be clear about what we want and what we don’t want, and let those around us knowing what we want and what are our expectations.
Take your time and think what piece of your autonomy could be missing when you cannot resist to take and give a NO.
It’s not good or bad being confused, but sometimes it just makes you feel uncomfortable being confused.
It’s not good or bad being clear, but being clear can help you in your life’s decisions. It’s human to be confused, it’s in all of us, the good part is that we don’t have to make a way of living and we can learn how to be clearer.
Start getting clear by asking what you want (with yes and no), offering what you can and what you want, receiving and if there is something left, see if you can do it for yourself.
Start saying what you want is the best thing that someone can do for himself. Start being clear with yourself!
When you decide to do something, then you will receive offers from everywhere. From the moment you decide to be clear, you will receive clarity in your life.